08 January 2006

And now for something completely different...

Tina just found the following story, printed in my handwriting on a couple of notebook sheets stuffed into a book. I don't have a clear memory of writing it, but I think I wrote it by Tina's bedside when she was in the hospital for quite a while after surgery and demanded I write something to entertain her. It's the sort of thing that must be shared with the whole world. It's unbelievably silly, and not the least bit theological. Please note that this story has absolutely nothing to do with the hilarious Big Bunny web cartoons by Amy Winfrey, and I'm pretty sure it predates them by a few years, but those are funnier than this so check them out too. So here, without further ado, is:

The Tale of Big Bunny and Morty Mouse

Big Bunny sat on a tree stump and looked out over the forest floor. He was happy. All of the animals of the forest knew him. They knew he was big and tough. They knew that they should stay out of his way, or he'd chase them and kick them with his strong hind feet.

Sally Squirrel ran by, carrying a nut to her home.

"Hey, Sally!" called Big Bunny, "give me that nut." Big Bunny wasn't really that fond of nuts, but he very much liked being Big. Sally took one look at Big Bunny and ran off as fast as she could, carrying her nut. Her family was hungry!

"Hey!" shouted Big Bunny, "you come back here!" Big leapt off the tree stump and hopped after Sally as fast as he could. Sally ran fast, but Big Bunny was faster. He knocked Sally over, and he started to kick at her with his big hind feet. "Here, you big bully!" Sally said, and ran away.

Big took the nut and tossed it into a stream. He didn't really want it. He just liked being Big. Big Bunny hopped off down the woodland trail, humming a tune.

A little later, Big came upon Morty Mouse, nestled up in a cozy little nest he'd made and taking a nap. Big cuffed Morty in the side of the head. "Wake up, you!" said Big Bunny. "That's a nice little nest you've got there. I'd like to have it for myself."

"My little nest isn't big enough for you, Big Bunny!" squeaked Morty Mouse. "I don't care," said Big Bunny. "I want it anyway." "No!" said Morty. Big Bunny kicked Morty with his big hind foot, knocking him out of the next. Morty went running off.

Big Bunny decided that Morty Mouse needed to be tought a lesson. And there was no point in staying here. He couldn't fit in Morty's little nest, anyway. So Big went hopping off after Morty at top speed.

Morty was a fast little mouse. He led Big Bunny on a wild chase! He led Big Bunny over hill and over Dale and over Chip. ("Hey! Watch it!" shouted Chip.) Morty led Big Bunny to a different part of the forest, where the trees were bigger.

Morty Mouse led Big Bunny right to the home of Wilma Wolf. Wilma heard the noise of the animals running quickly toward her home, and came outside to see what was the matter. Morty saw Wilma, and ran straight between her feet. Big Bunny was so excited by the chase that he didn't see Wilma at first. When he did, he was too big to run between her feet like Morty did. Big Bunny ran "smack!" into Wilma Wolf.

"My, my!" said Wilma. "What a plump, juicy, Big Bunny we have here!" With that, Wilma Wolf ate Big Bunny right up.

Morty Mouse laughed and laughed.

4 comments:

Israel said...

just plane funny! good stuff!

Israel said...

oops... plain fuzzy. oops funny..

MsJess said...

This is good, Mike. Maybe you oughta submit it to a kids' publisher. Huh?

Mike Croghan said...

Oh, no doubt. This is just what the average mom wants her children to read!